Something

Most of you are wanting me to keep this blog to give you something to read. It's not really the lack of comments that have made me think of erasing the blog. You see, I can read my bible and praise God!!..... finally get what it's saying. It will convict me in many ways, then I will have a prayer time thanking God for opening my eyes. I get in my so called, "blogging mode" and post things that I truly believe, but have such a hard time dealing with. I guess you can say that it's just me being a sinner, but that gets old after a while. Why keep that in the back of your head to cover up all you've done wrong? I think I have taken that to the extreme as much as one person can. Many times, I find myself more angry at things these days. I don't mean a little angry, I get down right mean and angry. It's something that can bring out the worst in anyone. Lately, it's been bringing out the worst of me. People shouldn't have to deal with it, and I shouldn't let this world get the best of me. I can quote all of the people in the bible, but it doesn't make me less of a human than anyone else I guess. For the most part, the more I get it, the harder it is to follow. Making the choice to follow Christ is the best thing I have ever done in my life. I thank God for making that possible for me to do. I guess my whole problem here is that I have an anger issue that needs to be dealt with because I know it's not healthy for myself or others around me. I try to do what's right in every aspect of my life, but it always seems like what I really felt was right at the time makes no sense after all is said and done. I wonder if you guys go through the same things? The past 2 weeks have been a growing experience for me and it was so rewarding for my heart. The prayer times were precious and the time I spent in the word was nothing short of the Lord wanting to feed me with the knowledge of His words. I thought I made good decisions, but I guess I didn't. It has been killing me not being able to do some of the things I was so accustomed to for such a long time. It was time for me to trust the Lord for everything. Literally...everything. I think that any of you would have lost it, just as it feels I have. I accept it as a lesson in leaning on the Lord and I have started to understand the meaning of that. Many times it's easier to say,"just give it to the Lord.", "the only one who can free you from that is Him." All of this I know, and believe me if it were that easy, man I would give it all to Him and never be angry about things again. I can say, "I'm trying",or " I'm getting better", as much as I want. It doesn't make up for what I have already done right? So, answer this any of you who can...When you are trying to live solely on Christ and have to lean on Him for everything because you can't do much for yourself, is it wrong to get angry? And when you keep doing things that turn out to be un-wise more than the times you do the right thing, but have been trying to give it your best shot, is it wrong to get angry at that too? Because I think this is the most I have ever been convicted and it hurts! I know what's right as you do too, we all tend to mess up every now and then. I also know that God is a refuge for us and that we should lean on Him through everything. Doesn't mean that it's easy though. Also doesn't mean that I am going to give up. I think giving up would be the worst thing anyone can do. That is not why Christ gave His life. It's hard to focus on these things when you are angry or hurt, but I guess that's why God gave us friends and discernment. Let's not forget about prayer! Prayer alone is one of the greatest gifts. I like to think about when I get to see my Savior for the first time......what a reward....what a love! If you focus on that, then it's all worth going through.......