The Recapturing of a Vulnerable 2013

As I was sitting in my living room, watching my dog chase one of the 20 squeaky toys she received for Christmas and my cat stare at her like she is foolish, I began thinking about this past year. I know, weird!

The blessings were many! Each year we are alive is a praise. It is another year to love people as we were left with a legacy of unconditional love. Sharing in the pain of others and falling to my knees in prayer more than I can recall doing so prior to this year.

Work has been a whirlwind however, I love my job. The promotion was one that I was so excited to receive. I am so thankful I was given the chance to work with the supervisor I had for the past 11 months. She taught me more about being a Christian than anyone else I knew. The most ethical, moral and loving human being God had created was placed in my path. She taught me much. My supervisor moved on about two weeks ago to a new job. I couldn't blame her as it was a position she could not pass. Something new that would give her more joy and more things to learn. I bid you well, my friend and I will also say, my sister-in-Christ.

School, oh I will do my best to say something positive about that. I am actually learning and I am thankful for that! Though I am six credits away from graduating with my degree, I feel as if this is the most difficult semester of them all. Did I mention, I hate math? Nevertheless, it is a part of going to school and God has been gracious thus far.

Now, on to one of the most difficult subjects for me. We have been trying for over three years now to have a child. We haven't been very successful in this area. This year was extremely difficult as I am getting older. The years with no toys under the tree, crying in the middle of the night and drool all over seem so far away. This is something I feel only people who have struggled through could understand. However, every struggle is difficult for each person in a different way.

We have prayed and thought about adoption. We are weighing our options. Each time people mention it, I shutter and feel like shouting, "I know! But I want to feel that blessing of bearing a child! I want that bond!" However, they mean to be helpful and for that, I am very thankful. With each conversation, I find that God is preparing us for something. I don't know what that something is, but if God has anything to do with it, I know it must be amazing.

My husband has been my source of strength. He picks me up and he points me back to Christ. He loves me with a love that can only come from our God. This is something God knew I needed. There are not enough nights in the year I can spend praising God for this gift!

Through sadness, there are new beginnings. Where there is sorrow, there is sure to be a time to smile, laugh and love again. Where there is anger and frustration, there must also be forgiveness and love. Moving forward does not mean to forget, it means that we remember where we came from and where God has brought us. Praise Him for that!

So, as much as I would like to say, "screw you, 2013!" I cannot. I have learned that just because something is new, it is not awful. Though change is something that I hate, God is teaching me to embrace it and move on. So, bring on the change, the new year and the new blessings!

What a great reminder that we are all made with a purpose, loved and wanted!!