There are so many things that are essential for me to share with you. However, life has been filled with chaotic, steady, and beautiful distortion since I last allowed a glimpse into my thought process. I am keen to the fact that life has been quite insane for many of us, and there are a lot of things we never bring to the surface. Even when we are surrounded by the people we love. So, I will do my best to condense it into a blog post.
Many times, I find people tell me so many of their inner, most genuine thoughts, fears, and dreams. It's always an honor for me to hold these things for people. I hold them close. I drive home with them spinning in my head. They move down throughout my heart where they stay as I ruminate on better advice I could have given. Better yet, did I leave them feeling as if I provided safety for the information I was gracious to receive? Were my facial expressions indicative of someone who cares? Did my response extend love and trust? Yeah, all of that from just one simple 1-2 minute or even 1-5 hours of interaction.
There's a lot of loss surrounding us on a daily basis. I notice that I am lost most days as I navigate throughout somewhat of a daily routine. But why? I figured it would be easier as we got older and now that I am in my 40s, the truth is... nothing gets easier. None of this is easy. At all. In fact, I don't even know where Spring went. That shit just sprang the fk out of us and bounced! But alas, Summer is most definitely here. Though, its early stages do feel like Spring.
I've been surrounding myself with people who check in. People who also have no clue what we are all doing. But their love and intention is so pure, it surrounds them like a beacon of light. I am captivated by the way(s) we can do more for one another just by being in their presence. I have never been in a place that is so unknown, vulnerable, and so safe at the same time. Without judgement or question for who or where you are in your life. It's just beautiful and my soul is filled a little more when I am able to sit and spend precious time with them. They are a constant reminder of why this life is so important.
Today, I sit in the beauty of peaceful Summer overcast, trees branches and leaves swaying, and singing birds. I just put the littlest guy down for a nap. I gathered myself and prepared a lovely space by the window. I stared for a while. I cried. Then, I decided to utilize this time to gather my thoughts, emotions, and build-ups. They needed a place to go, but since I love to write and never provide myself with enough grace and time, I knew I deserved this. Call it a time to purge what I have been holding onto for a while now.
Part of my journey through these last few months has been to care less about how others may perceive me, but place pure, positive, loving intentions into spaces that are dark. You know, those places like the closet, drawer, or stair corners we barely go into or clean. Because if we can't see it, does it exist? The answer - YES! it does. We all have them. Places that are not so clean, not so pure, and we barely go there at times. It hurts to go there. It's messy, scary, emotional... who has time for all of that? But nonetheless it is where we need to shine the light the most. Isn't it?
I find the more we spend time keeping ourselves or people who genuinely love us away from these spaces and places, the more broken we become. At least that's what happened to me. Frankly, I have better things to do than continue to protect these places. So, week by week I have been visiting, cleaning that shit up, and letting some sunshine in. It feels good to let go of what no longer serves us. What continues to hold us back.
May you find your way into some of the spaces, places, and corners that have been needing a fresh coat of "GTFO" so you can absorb what is good and shine some light into each one.
Love,
Patti
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